I think my chronic sadness without an obvious cause led me to good karma that i could unlock these thoughts.
Thoughts that I can no longer say, “I wna be this when I grow up” because i am already a grown up but i don’t feel like one, but i think i think like one now.
Early 20s in the 21st century teaches you acceptance, makes you an observer. An observer seeking unconditional happiness, but to experience happiness we have to experience ultimate sadness too.
There are many days where we feel ultimate joy and peace. And days where we feel unexplained sadness. However, the best days will be where we learn to accept them both with a neutral mindset.

Neutral mindset, think of you at seashore and try to see happiness and sadness as waves just visiting you.
It’s just water and wind we try complicating it, distinguishing it like it’s our job.

What I just tried breaking down is the Jainism concept of Paryay (Par-yaa-y) Paryaaay with a Par in it, like Pardesh (opposites to Swadesh). It just visits us won’t last forever, it’ll all pass.